Summer

Summer is coming to a close and so am I. This is the first time in my life that I didn’t want it to end…until I did. I always do. This summer was different. Filled with late nights and early mornings. One bleeding into the next. Live music and bar hopping. New friends creating new memories, starting to feel like old ones. I feel like I’ve known them for so much longer. Sleepless nights talking through cackles and tears. All warm. The dry heat melting my skin and burning my throat. Something only a crisp beer from Zuni could cure. Girl dinners and bonding over trivia and trauma. Always gone over the weekends. Flying like I always said that I would. Watching everyone’s lives move on and choosing to be a part of it. Packed, jammed packed like my suitcase. No room in the schedule. Say yes to everything. GO. GO. GO. I was never like this until I was. Spontaneous and looking for the next thing to do. No more calculations. No more overthinking. Just along for the ride and doing what I want. Now I don’t even have to go looking for it, it just ends up in front of me when it’s meant to. They come into your life when they’re supposed to. All of them. And they leave when they’re supposed to. All of them. Sometimes abruptly but often whisked away by the wind, piece by piece, until their shadow fades slowly then all at once. The world is so much bigger than we think. I have never been happier but also never more tired in my life. Keeping up and staying busy, even on a school night. I’ve grown and changed because of it. I like who I am. I knew I could always be her – I was just choosing not to be. We always say that when it’s the perfect time we’ll do it. When we have enough money, when it’s the right time of year, when we are further along in our careers. But why wait. Be exhausted now while you can. Feel the heaviness in your eyes and the soreness in your muscles as you push yourself. Through it all you will feel light. Views, and people, and food, and music, and travel, and culture, and inside jokes, and your favorite drinks, and getting dressed up, and long drives, and solo trips will remind you that there is so much life to live. Take advantage of the sun because of the “midwest guilt”, well more like the “pacific northwest guilt”. In fact, now that I mention it, the sun and summer are starting to fade and so am I. It starts to go to bed earlier now. I should really take some notes. But yes, now I’m tired. My cup is full as I start to slow. It’s time to rest. The colors and vibrancy come back and so will mine once I get some sleep. Summer, you will be missed, but I’ll dream of you as I fall…